What Parenting Books and Mainstream Culture Miss

Photo by Marissa Price on Unsplash.

There’s a prevailing narrative in our society that once our baby arrives, our priorities must shift. They must shift from caring for ourselves to caring for our baby. The narrative is that we must serve and we must sacrifice. We must gloss over our own needs. We must tone down the activities we do for ourselves. Because if we don’t, then we are selfish. Then we will be seen as self-absorbed and self-involved, and people will assume we don’t love our children enough.

After all, why have children if you’re not going to spend most of your time with them? Right? Why have children if you’re not ready to sacrifice for someone else, if you’re not ready to make them #1?

Carla Naumburg, Ph.D, an author, parent coach, and one of my favorite bloggers who pens “Mindful Parenting,” has a different take. As she tells Kate Rope in her brilliant book Strong as a Mother: How to Stay Healthy, Happy, and (Most Importantly) Sane from Pregnancy to Parenthood:

“I think that a lot of parenting books and mainstream culture give parents this idea that our child is our primary activity and we need to fit our self-care into the nooks and crannies that are left over after we’ve met our child’s needs. But assuming a parent is taking care of their child’s basic needs, then from there they can figure out how to fit their kid into their needs.”

Similarly, here’s another important quote in Strong as a Mother, which comes from life coach Graeme Seabrook: “when you put yourself in the center of your life and think ‘How can I be healthier and happier?’ everything else starts to fall into place, because moms are generally the lynchpin of the family. The better we work, the better everything else works.”

When we prioritize ourselves, we also model to our kids the power of self-care. We also model the power of building a close, compassionate relationship with oneself.

So where do you start? Read more in the full article here.